Transactional Analysis
The office may be the place where we get our work done, but it is also the place where we play many of our games. You may be familiar with some of these games; after all, they have names like “Passing the Buck” and “Why Don’t You – Yes, But.” You have probably played games like these before.
Studying games played in social scenarios is central to the study of transactional analysis, which is a field in the study of human behavior. A game is defined in transactional analysis as a pattern of behavior displayed by people which has totally predictable results. These games are never fun, but they nonetheless fulfill a basic, hidden need in a person to affirm or justify his existence in the world that he moves in. These games serve to maintain the life script that he has unconsciously written for himself and the position he holds in the relationships he has. Another aspect of these games is that they make all the people who participate in them much more predictable.
For example, a boss calls for a meeting of his subordinates to discuss ideas about a future project. Each subordinate forwards a suggestion as to how the project should be done, but to each suggestion, the boss has a set of reasons as to why it would not work. This goes on and on until the only suggestion left that has yet to be shot down is the one that the boss has. In the end, the boss ends up implementing his own suggestion. The boss has just affirmed that he is working with a bunch of nitwits, while the subordinates leave the meeting feeling discouraged and disrespected, and that they have been had by the boss again. This is the typical scenario for the “Why Don’t You – Yes, But” game.
Engaging in games such as this one wastes a lot of time. But more than that, games as described in transactional analysis are very counterproductive, and they contribute to the breakdown in communication and relationships. The deeper the level that these games go, the greater are the negative payoffs. Some games can even lead to physical injury, even death. Unless it is stopped, playing these games can take years, even entire lifetimes.
Putting a stop to these games takes a lot of conscious effort. But to be able to do this, you need to be aware of the three ego states that exist within each person. These ego states are: the Parent, the Adult and the Child.
The Parent is the ego state that likes to lay down ground rules; the Parent is the voice of authority, the reflection of what a person has been taught by his parents and elders. The Parent can either be nurturing or controlling.
The Child is the ego state that mirrors a person’s emotional behavior. How a person reacts to the here and now reflects the Child in his personality. The Child can either be adaptive or free.
The Adult is the ego state that is the voice of logic and reason. This is the ego state that decides how a person should react to and deal with any given situation. Ideally, all communications (or transactions) should be done on an Adult-to-Adult level.
Each ego state communicates and elicits a response typically from the other ego state that complements it. Therefore, the Parent reacts to the Child, and the Child reacts to the Parent. Crossing the lines of communication can result in conflict, and conflict is always counterproductive.
In order to stop these destructive, counterproductive games that we play in the workplace, we need to make a conscious effort to be proactive and decide within ourselves that our participation in these games have to stop. We need to take a hard look at ourselves as to why we play these games and what needs do these games satisfy in us.
After we are done taking a hard look at ourselves, we then need to look at the people around us and understand why they play these games as well. Attempting to understand the people around us will involve us putting ourselves in their shoes. It involves looking beyond ourselves and beyond the standards by which we judge ourselves.
When faced with conflict with another person, before we respond to an accusation or a heated statement thrown at us, we need to determine what game is being played in the situation, as well as what ego state is prevailing in the person we are in conflict with. Is the person in the Parent state? Whether nurturing or controlling, the Parent always uses judgmental and critical words, as well as patronizing and posturing language and gestures. Is the person in the Child state? The Child looks either depressed or mischievous or rebellious, uses a whining tone of voice, and talks the way children would talk.
Once you have determined the ego state of the person you are dealing with, shift to the ego state that complements it or deliberately cross the communication line in order to placate the other person. If you are dealing with a person in the Child mode, shift to the Parent mode to placate the Child. If you are facing someone in the Parent mode, be in the Parent mode as well, only stronger. When the other person is placated, then shift to the Adult mode and figure out exactly what needs to be done.
Putting a stop to the games being played in the workplace can take a lot of time and a tremendous amount of effort. Nonetheless, it has to be done to promote productivity at work.
By: Hans Hulm
